July 11th, 2013

I read a statistic online and said that we come in contact with strangers anywhere from 1 to hundreds of people in a day. And it got me thinking not of how many people I pass in a day, but how many stories. How many happy, uplifting, desperate, or sorrowful stories we brush by without even a blink. Someone could be having the best day of their life, and most easily their worst. Someone could be having a life changing moment; someone could realize that they are in love, another realize they are alone. Some may be struggling with family problems, friend problems, abuse, addictions, not able to make rent, promotions or firing, or even where they will sleep tonight. We pass people struggling every single day, and we will never be able to know exactly what their story is.

It’s a beautiful relationship strangers share, often in the form of a smile. A simple, uncomplicated acknowledgement that you take up that space right under your feet and that you aren’t being ignored. That no matter what you may be facing that day, that one smile just may get you through. 

To all of the strangers out there, the one’s I’ve met, the one’s I’ve yet to meet, and to those people whom I no longer know… you are more than just a blink and that space you take up for that split second; you are wanted, you are needed, and you are loved.

Have a great day, everyone.

It’s sort of funny, how I put faith in those I shouldn’t, or put hope in hopeless situations… especially those that are doomed to turn sour. I guess all I’m really trying to say is that I am sad things turned out this way… never did I really expect a person to turn sour and hateful… when all I’ve ever really done is care and push towards a better future. Maybe one day we can move past this and look each other in the eye and be happy for one another. 

I can only hope.

Therapy

I’ve always thought it’s better to talk about your feelings than to keep them bottled up inside. In fact it’s something I have consistently preached to my friends. Ironically, this is something that I struggle to do. Overtime I have found it more and more difficult translating my feelings. I used to write poetry but now that I’m in university and have no time, I’ve decided to try blogging about it.

I’ve recently gone through what some call an emotional stressor. I’ve said goodbye to a person that has been an active part of my life for a very long time. Everyday I think of them, and can’t help but wonder if they are thinking of me too. I wish I knew if it was as hard for them as it is for me. This distance was and is needed for many reasons, yet when you miss a person all logic seems to go right out the window. I stare at my phone hoping their name will pop up even though I know I may never hear from them again. Knowing that my life is going to continue without them being an intimate part scares me beyond belief.

It’s hard to admit to yourself that a person you once thought would be with you forever is better off without you. That you two once fulfilled a crucial role within each others lives but now that part reads “failure to thrive”. I held on so long because it’s hard to admit to yourself that it’s not working anymore. You feel broken, misplaced, confused, and most importantly lost. I’ve always been a girl with a plan, and now I find myself grasping for straws.

I hope this person comes across this post one day. i know they probably won’t and that is okay too… but I really need them to know that i do miss them and I hope everything is going great and I hope we will be able to talk soon…

"I’ll be leaving you, but you won’t be leaving me"

December 16th, 2010.

I like to believe you’re out there, somewhere, thinking these thoughts and feeling these feelings. I like to close my eyes and pretend I’m holding you, and you’re looking back at me with those heavy eyes like you used to. You hug me tightly and let me hold on those few extra seconds because you know I need this moment to last. 

Like a photograph, it’s a snapshot in time; one I secretly carry with me in the back of my mind. It’s better if it’s a secret…it’s my secret weapon. Reality isn’t what it used to be, anymore. Times are tough and everyone is desperately trying to hold onto every bit of hope, of redemption, of feeling.

In these moments of uncertainty I feel you with me. I know you’re not here, and I’m not there, and no one’s really sure if we’re where we’re supposed to be. But I feel you near. And I’m still holding you to the very last second.

(I hope you can feel me, too.)