everything collide.

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Tue, 05 Mar 2013 17:09:53 -0500

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Tue, 05 Mar 2013 17:08:39 -0500

Therapy

Tue, 05 Mar 2013 17:06:35 -0500

I’ve always thought it’s better to talk about your feelings than to keep them bottled up inside. In fact it’s something I have consistently preached to my friends. Ironically, this is something that I struggle to do. Overtime I have found it more and more difficult translating my feelings. I used to write poetry but now that I’m in university and have no time, I’ve decided to try blogging about it.

I’ve recently gone through what some call an emotional stressor. I’ve said goodbye to a person that has been an active part of my life for a very long time. Everyday I think of them, and can’t help but wonder if they are thinking of me too. I wish I knew if it was as hard for them as it is for me. This distance was and is needed for many reasons, yet when you miss a person all logic seems to go right out the window. I stare at my phone hoping their name will pop up even though I know I may never hear from them again. Knowing that my life is going to continue without them being an intimate part scares me beyond belief.

It’s hard to admit to yourself that a person you once thought would be with you forever is better off without you. That you two once fulfilled a crucial role within each others lives but now that part reads “failure to thrive”. I held on so long because it’s hard to admit to yourself that it’s not working anymore. You feel broken, misplaced, confused, and most importantly lost. I’ve always been a girl with a plan, and now I find myself grasping for straws.

I hope this person comes across this post one day. i know they probably won’t and that is okay too… but I really need them to know that i do miss them and I hope everything is going great and I hope we will be able to talk soon…

"I'll be leaving you, but you won't be leaving me"

Fri, 01 Mar 2013 10:47:00 -0500

December 16th, 2010.

I like to believe you’re out there, somewhere, thinking these thoughts and feeling these feelings. I like to close my eyes and pretend I’m holding you, and you’re looking back at me with those heavy eyes like you used to. You hug me tightly and let me hold on those few extra seconds because you know I need this moment to last.

Like a photograph, it’s a snapshot in time; one I secretly carry with me in the back of my mind. It’s better if it’s a secret…it’s my secret weapon. Reality isn’t what it used to be, anymore. Times are tough and everyone is desperately trying to hold onto every bit of hope, of redemption, of feeling.

In these moments of uncertainty I feel you with me. I know you’re not here, and I’m not there, and no one’s really sure if we’re where we’re supposed to be. But I feel you near. And I’m still holding you to the very last second.

(I hope you can feel me, too.)

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Tue, 19 Feb 2013 12:35:00 -0500

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Tue, 19 Feb 2013 12:33:24 -0500

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Tue, 19 Feb 2013 12:18:26 -0500

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Tue, 19 Feb 2013 12:16:56 -0500

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Mon, 03 Dec 2012 22:55:42 -0500

i love winnie <3

Mon, 03 Dec 2012 22:55:00 -0500

i love winnie <3

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Mon, 03 Dec 2012 22:52:56 -0500

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Mon, 03 Dec 2012 22:52:36 -0500

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Tue, 20 Nov 2012 23:26:03 -0500

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Tue, 20 Nov 2012 23:24:56 -0500

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Tue, 20 Nov 2012 23:23:33 -0500

#truth.

Thu, 15 Nov 2012 09:58:00 -0500

#truth.

Because I haven't wrote in a while.

Wed, 14 Nov 2012 22:04:34 -0500

I’m really afraid to write tonight because I’m afraid no one is going to read it, and i’m trembling at the fact that someone just might.

I’m just tired of living my life. I feel like every day is a battle. My home life hasn’t been very good. And the person who is the closest thing to me in this entire world couldn’t care less about me. I feel like I have been carrying the weight of the world for a while now, and I’m just about to collapse.

I like to think I”m good for something. I have a plan. I want to graduate school and become a teacher, even if there is no teaching jobs. But I don’t want to give up that hope that I can do it. I feel like I have something to offer. That one day kids are going to be begging to be in my classroom. That one day I am going to matter and will be doing something that matters. But I am really the only person who has faith in me anymore these days.

I don’t feel loved. And no this isn’t some bullshit statement that a lot of girls like to give. I truly do not feel loved. It feels like someone has ripped out my heart and my stomach has that empty feeling. I try so hard to keep things together for everyone around me and things are just crashing down all around me. Some days I just want to walk away. But I’m afraid that if I do I’m going to be hurt and alone like nothing I have experienced before.

I just want to matter. I want to be taken seriously. I want that person to know and understand that I’d travel across the world for them and to realize THAT MEANS SOMETHING. I want to be appreciated. I want to feel like I am an invaluable piece.

Maybe all these wants are unrealistic. Maybe it’s just time to drop all of these burdens I seem to carry with me. But I’m not a quitter. But i’m not sure that’s a valid excuse anymore.

I just need a few days to really remove myself from my life. I need to remove myself in order to really see if I do matter, if I do have value. Maybe then I’ll have my answer. Until then..

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Thu, 08 Nov 2012 11:29:42 -0500

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Thu, 08 Nov 2012 10:28:40 -0500

they are the cutest boys ever, omggg.

Thu, 08 Nov 2012 10:23:16 -0500

they are the cutest boys ever, omggg.